What I Want to Be

Her face is a map of the world; it’s a map of the world.
You can see she’s a beautiful girl; she’s a beautiful girl.
And everything around her is a silver pool of light.
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it.
It makes you calm; she holds you captivated in her palm.
Suddenly I see; this is what I want to be.

–“Suddenly I See,”  K.T. Tunstall

We’ve all known women like this.  When we pass them walking their smiles are like traffic lights, and we smile back, given a new secret.  The dynamics of their practiced voices remind us of their unusual strength, and we want to be nestled and belonging under the protection of their arm.  When we hold their hands, their selves are completely alive and buzzing with energy and vigor.  It radiates out of their beautiful bodies and with smiling eyes some of it reaches out to us, and we are restarted.  If they happen to speak to us, we are forever changed.  While they are talking we almost cannot take it all in.  And while it’s happening we know that what they are saying is what we most need to hear, what we have been longing to hear.  And these women take this moment and give its focus to us; they speak of us and what we need and what we do.  They encourage us and empower us.  We later recall their words in countless conversations.  The moment is a turning.

This is what I want to be.

Where does this come from?  Is it born necessarily out of injustice and striving?  Is it directly gifted from heaven a benevolent spiritual gift?  Is it a personality so perfectly balanced between self-actualization and selflessness that it never violates boundaries and never lies and never accepts injustice even to the self?  Is it simply a choice some people make, like salvation, which once it’s made gradually sanctifies the whole being into the best possible version of the self, repeatedly casting aside pettiness, slipping and rising again, never surrendering to the sweetness of pride but standing stubbornly on truth.  I suspect it is a recipe constantly changing; each one just as lovely and unique as the last, delightful in peculiarity and sincerity.

This is what I want to be.

Last night–at the Empowered Women Empower Women event at the BCPA– I was surrounded by women such as this and I am reminded and re-inspired to be and become that best possible version of myself that balances the acknowledgement and value of who I am now and who I can be tomorrow simultaneously with the selflessness, good humor, and spotlight-sharing of empowering other women to be that as well.

Nervous girl in the wings, shaking sweating hands.  Tiny dancer, hopping and stretching on your little feet, gentle girl singing.  Woman just finding voice, woman who lives to collect and protect other souls, woman who nurtures, and woman who makes us laugh. Woman who projects energy and power, woman who sees and knows, woman who makes a change, woman who reclaims her life, woman who challenges and singles out, woman who sits and stand witness to empowerment.  Thank you for a night of glowing stars.

I am empowered, and I will empower in turn.  My closing song, I’ll Be Aright, is an early thank you.  Make sure to head over to the pre-order/pledge page to reserve your copy of my new album; I will be posting the free download for I’ll Be Alright through that platform. Or, if pre-orders aren’t your thing, you can also send me an email here;  I’ll add you to my mailing list, and I’ll be able to share the track with you that way. If you enjoyed the music last night and want to support me, thank you!  Buying the music, telling people about the new album, sending out emails to your friends (emails are especially successful), sharing and posting on social media, all of that makes it possible for me to keep creating music. All of those things really do make a difference.

This is what I want to be.

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